However, it\u2019s extremely difficult to keep conflicts from spinning out of control into arguments. Has getting into a heated argument with your significant other, a coworker, or a child ever solved anything? Probably not. Heated arguments<\/u><\/a> often lead people down the dark path of personal attacks, animosity, and getting so riled up that they stop making sense altogether.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf no one ever argues, you\u2019re not likely to give up on old ways of doing things, let alone try new ones. Disagreement is the antidote to groupthink,\u201d organizational psychologist Adam Grant said, according to Psychology Today<\/u><\/a>. \u201cWe\u2019re at our most imaginative when we\u2019re out of sync.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n So the big question is, how do we prevent heated arguments<\/a> from happening and steer them to more productive territory instead? Researchers have been on the case and may have a solution.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n A group of scholars at the University of Wisconsin<\/u><\/a> found that it\u2019s essential for people to create a safe environment for discussion, and the key to doing so is to ask open-ended questions that lead to points of agreement. Specifically, the researchers say to use \u201cI\u201d statements, such as \u201cI feel frustrated\u201d or \u201cI feel concerned,\u201d when expressing yourself during the disagreement. It\u2019s an old therapy trick that\u2019s often used to prevent other people from feeling attacked by accusations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, the most effective phrase researchers identified is one that clearly directs the discussion toward agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The best way to stop an argument, they say, is with the phrase: \u201cI\u2019d actually like to focus on all the things we agree on.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n There are 3 big reasons why<\/u><\/a> the phrase is so effective at stopping arguments from happening. First, the phrase immediately changes the mindset of both people from the areas where they disagree to one of agreement. We are no longer arguing about why we like or don\u2019t like pineapple on pizza. Instead, we\u2019re focusing on the toppings we both enjoy, such as pepperoni or black olives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This subtle shift turns the person we disagree with from enemy to collaborator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another big reason \u201cI\u2019d actually like to focus on all the things we agree on\u201d is such an effective phrase because it extinguishes the other person\u2019s anger. When we search for a way to agree, we suddenly become an unappealing target for the other person\u2019s rage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, this phase makes you the good guy in the disagreement because you are looking for a positive solution. You\u2019ve just taken a right turn onto the high road and have become the rational party in the conversation. This tactic is especially effective when a third party, such as a boss or sibling, is involved in the disagreement and wants to see who is acting in good faith. This will encourage the person you\u2019re having a dispute with to be more cooperative to save face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The key is to be genuine about seeking agreement and maintain a sincere tone when presenting your approach. Once the potential fight has been quelled, you can work together to reach the best possible agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The paper provides some helpful acronyms anyone can remember during their next disagreement, in addition to the one key phrase:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The researchers also further recommended some active listening techniques in addition to asking question, like mirroring<\/em> or paraphrasing<\/em> the other person\u2019s statements and words, and priming<\/em>. Priming involves \u201c[making] a guess out loud about what the other person might be thinking or feeling. One must choose the words carefully and use a calm tone to avoid worsening the situation. The goal is to make the other person feel comfortable speaking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 6 Listening Skills to Listen Like a Therapist. 1) Minimal encouragers 2) Validation 3) Silence 4) Open\/Close ended questions 5) Summaries 6) Reflection<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n Using \u201cI\u201d statements also helps because we\u2019re avoiding using \u201cyou\u201d statements. \u201cAnyone who\u2019s ever been in conflict with someone knows that hearing a you-statement is hearing yourself be blamed for something, identified as the problem. \u2018You never listen to me,\u2019 \u2018You\u2019re always late,\u2019 \u2018Why are you so stubborn?\u2019 And even if you don\u2019t know consciously that you\u2019re being blamed, your reflexive reaction of defensiveness tells you that you know it when you hear it,\u201d Gregg Levoy, author of \u201cVital Signs: The Nature and Nurture of Passion,\u201d writes in Psychology Today.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"conflict,](\"https:\/\/www.upworthy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2026\/01\/origin_3edaaa.jpg\")
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