Sometimes, we need to overcommunicate how we feel about others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A familiar misstep people make when trying to be likable<\/a> is trying to impress others. They want to show they are funny, intelligent<\/a>, and a great storyteller. They think being the life of the party is the road to likability. However, study after study shows<\/a> that it\u2019s a lot easier to be likable. All you have to do is show interest in others. To put it simply: If you like people, you will become more likable.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s a slight wrinkle in the notion that liking more people makes you more likable. Many people you like aren\u2019t sure that you like them. The psychological phenomenon known as signal amplification bias<\/a> says it best. We tend to overestimate how clearly we broadcast our feelings and intentions towards others. So, the person we like and who likes us may not know the feeling is mutual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe think our signals are obvious,\u201d Vanessa Van Edwards told Steve Bartlett on the Diary of a CEO<\/em><\/a> podcast. \u201cIf we like someone or if we\u2019re having a good time, we think, \u2018Oh, they for sure know it.\u2019 They don\u2019t.\u201d Van Edwards<\/u><\/a> is a communications expert and the author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People<\/em><\/u><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To help people clearly communicate their feelings, Van Edwards suggests three \u201cmagic phrases\u201d to show you care. Check out the video below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou think of a lot of people in your life all the time,\u201d she said. \u201cIf you are thinking of someone and you can text them: \u2018I was just thinking of you, how are you?\u2019 I was just thinking of you, how\u2019d that project go?\u2019 was just thinking of you. It has been a while since we talked.\u2019 You see a movie, you see a documentary, you see a matcha latte, you see a mug, you see a ceramic candle, and you\u2019re like, \u2018Ah, this made me think of you,\u2019\u201d Van Edwards said.<\/a> \u201cMy text messages, my conversations, are full of actual moments where I was triggered to think of that person, actually,\u201d she said, noting the importance of being genuine. \u201cIf you don\u2019t think of someone, they\u2019re not a person you need to have in your life.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo if you\u2019re with someone and you\u2019re impressed by them or they\u2019re interesting or they\u2019re funny, say, \u2018You always make me laugh. You\u2019re always so interesting,\u2019 or \u2018You\u2019re always so great in interviews.\u2019 Giving them a label that is a positive label is the best gift you can give someone, because it\u2019s fighting that signal amplification bias,\u201d she continued.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe are so honored when we get brain space\u2014that you remembered and you\u2019re going to bring it up,\u201d she said. \u201cAnd you specifically bring up something that they lit up with, something they were like, \u2018Ah, it was great, it was exciting, it was wonderful.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Phrase 1: \u2018I was just thinking of you\u2019<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Phrase 2: \u2018You\u2019re always so \u2026\u2019<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Phrase 3: \u2018Last time we talked, you mentioned \u2026\u2019<\/h2>\n\n\n\n