\u201cRule 5: A 30 second hug before any hard conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most married couples are aware of the alarming statistics: About 40-50% of first marriages are destined to end in divorce<\/a>. On the bright side, that\u2019s a number that has been falling steadily since the 1980s as people get married later and are more selective before settling down. On the bleaker side, it still means that \u201chappily ever after\u201d is hardly a guarantee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Couples<\/a> who are determined to buck the trend all have their own approach<\/a>. It could be proactive couples\u2019 therapy, a weekly date night, or the classic \u201cnever go to bed angry.\u201d Some even have hard \u201crules\u201d that neither is allowed to break, all in the name of protecting the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adele is a relationship coach who runs Happy Couples Connect<\/a>. She has over half a million followers on social media and teaches adults \u201chow to communicate in a healthy way so you can feel heard, valued, loved, and respected in your relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n On Instagram, her bio tagline reads: \u201cThis page is for you if marriage is hard right now but you\u2019re not ready to give up.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adele\u2019s content resonates with her audience because she\u2019s not afraid to share the real, uncomfortable truths from her own relationship. She says there was a time when there wasn\u2019t a disagreement that wasn\u2019t met with an explosive fight or a silent treatment. Fixing that is what inspired Adele to start her practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a recent post on Instagram, Adele shares the five rules that she and her wife \u201cnever break.\u201d She adds that a few years ago, these rules \u201cdidn\u2019t exist\u201d and the couple were on the brink of divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Adele lists out her relationship\u2019s rules in the caption, and while it starts off with a few easier-said-than-done common sense policies, there are a few surprises on the list:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRule 1: We treat each other like two humans, not two perfect robots. We both mess up. Expecting perfection does not raise the standard. It just grows resentment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Other relationship experts might call this assuming the best in your partner<\/a>. It\u2019s terrific life advice when dealing with anyone you like, love, or respect. Come into disagreements with the understanding that they care and are trying, not assuming bad intentions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRule 2<\/strong>: We choose to focus on what the other is doing right. The more we look for it, the more we see it. What you focus on expands. We choose to make that a gift.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A natural tie-in to Rule 1, but it\u2019s definitely easier to preach than to put into practice. It\u2019s easy to nitpick and criticize all the little things our partner doesn\u2019t do for us, meanwhile we\u2019re overlooking the dozens of other things they are<\/em> doing. It\u2019s a rapid way to build resentment or contempt<\/a>, which is the number one predictor of divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRule 3: No phones after dinner. Because if they are within reach we will scroll, disconnect, and then wonder why we do not feel close.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tons of research has been done to show that cell phones can negatively impact our relationships if we\u2019re not careful. In basic terms, scrolling your phone when your partner is nearby can make them feel less important. \u201cWhen we sit down for dinner with our famlies and we put the phone on the table, it sends a psychological message to everyone sitting there that \u2018You are not the most important thing to me right now,\u201d says Simon Sinek.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRule 4:<\/strong> No hard conversations after 9 p.m. Late at night everything feels bigger than it is. We talk when we are rested, not exhausted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is a popular concept in therapy and counseling circles. Not only does getting into a heated argument right before bed ruin your sleep, thereby making you crankier the next day, these arguments escalate more than they would during the day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYour amygdala (your emotional alarm system) becomes more reactive when you\u2019re sleep-deprived or simply tired at the end of a long day. This combination means you\u2019re more likely to perceive threat or criticism in neutral statements, react more defensively, say things you don\u2019t mean, and struggle to see your partner\u2019s perspective,\u201d writes Quadra Wellness<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cRule 5:<\/strong> A 30 second hug before any hard conversation. It lowers tension, reminds us we are on the same team and resets our nervous systems before we say a word.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nCouples coach shares the rules that she actually uses in her own marriage<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The five rules of marriage, according to this relationship coach. Experts agree.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n