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This is not political, friends. My concern with the words we use to describe women\u2019s losses has nothing to do with whether someone is pro-life or pro-choice. It has to do with the emotional impact our words have on someone experiencing trauma.
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When I saw the words \u201chabitual aborter\u201d written on my medical chart, I felt the world begin to implode around me. The claustrophobia of that tiny room in the doctor\u2019s office set in, the walls began to feel closer, the ceiling lower, and yet somehow, the other person in the room felt infinitely further away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"Blonde](\"https:\/\/lwm-a2.azureedge.net\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Katy_Harrison_Miscarriage1-900x1113.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n\u201cAbortion\u201d has become such a loaded word, but did you know it\u2019s a recent understanding of it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAbortion,\u201d as a medical term, \u201cderives from the Latin aboriri\u2014to miscarry.\u201d Etymologically, the words \u201cmiscarriage\u201d and \u201cabortion\u201d are essentially the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But to the layperson, \u201cabortion\u201d refers to the elective termination of a pregnancy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Regardless of political beliefs about abortion rights, the use of this word to describe mothers grieving the loss of wanted pregnancies is harmful. Grieving mothers are labeled with emotionally insensitive, outdated language that is at odds with their experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The moment I saw \u201chabitual aborter\u201d on my medical chart, it was like the doctor was outside of the room somehow, on the other side of the enclosing wall, as if she could not possibly inhabit the same space as me, a space she so little understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This was my experience. This is how at odds our words for pregnancy loss<\/a> are with my experience of grief. I was forewarned. And even still, my breath was knocked out of me as I felt small, alone, misunderstood, and wronged.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Perhaps the problem is we use this politicized word in a medical setting. Perhaps it\u2019s that what was once objective medical terminology has now been politicized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But where the problem originated is less important for the lived experience of miscarrying mothers. Grieving mothers deserve medical care that makes them feel truly cared for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Talk about it. We can\u2019t complain on social media and immediately change medical language that\u2019s developed throughout history, but if we talk about the problem \u2013 publicly, to our family, to our care providers \u2013 then maybe, over time, we can make a change to honor the sensitivity grieving<\/a> families deserve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Acknowledge that words matter. Choose your words carefully and hold others to a standard that does the same. Understand that words and phrases that feel authentic to one person may not to another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Share this post. Tag your friends, family, and care providers. Let people know if you\u2019ve had an experience that doesn\u2019t match the language used.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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I was luckier than many women in these situations, as I had a kind, empathetic doctor who preemptively warned me about the words I\u2019d see on my chart. She understood I would feel like I was somehow to blame for repeatedly losing pregnancies I desperately wanted and assured me that was untrue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"Woman](\"https:\/\/lwm-a2.azureedge.net\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Katy_Harrison_Miscarriage2-900x1120.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nWhat Can We Do?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n