{"id":5794,"date":"2026-02-22T08:39:10","date_gmt":"2026-02-22T08:39:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/?p=5794"},"modified":"2026-02-22T08:39:13","modified_gmt":"2026-02-22T08:39:13","slug":"something-is-wrong-im-scared-is-everything-okay-he-told-me-to-stop-being-so-paranoid-woman-urges-trust-your-instincts-after-husband-murdered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/?p=5794","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Something is wrong. I\u2019m scared, is everything okay?\u2019 He told me to stop being so paranoid.\u2019: Woman urges \u2018trust your instincts\u2019 after husband murdered"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cThe detectives investigating Emmett\u2019s murder<\/a> had put items from his office they no longer needed into a giant plastic box. I put the box in my garage, afraid to throw anything away. I just knew that something in that box had to be evidence. Sometimes I would go out there in the middle of the night looking for clues\u2026 looking for something they had missed. I would rummage through all the paperwork, reading every bank statement, every chicken scratch on every sticky note. When I found receipts for purchases at the mall or restaurant bills, I created stories in my mind about what might have happened on that particular day. To me, everything had to be a clue, a clue to what? That was the only problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something was wrong, I couldn\u2019t wait around for the trial for answers. I had to dig deeper for myself. I spent hours out there pretending it was my job to find answers for the detectives\u2026 to do their job for them. I guess realistically, I knew I wouldn\u2019t find what they needed, but I still searched for something\u2026 that I<\/em> needed. Maybe by chance, I would find the missing family portrait. Maybe I would find a hidden letter he had written to me telling me how much he loved me. I hoped to find correspondence between the two of them \u2013 his lover and himself \u2013 maybe Emmett telling her he wanted out because he already had a wife whom he loved. I don\u2019t really know for sure what I was searching for\u2014because I never did find it\u2014but I sure knew how to waste a lot of time trying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of those weak moments came in the middle of the day \u2013 an urge that something was wrong pushing me to go and search through the box for clues. The little ones were napping. It must have been a Saturday because everyone was home. I took the three older kids out into the garage and told them they could play, but that I had some \u2018work\u2019 to do. As I searched my box, they began to wander out of the garage over to where some neighbor kids were playing. I was actually proud of them for leaving my side, and I enjoyed searching for my \u2018prize\u2019\u2014all alone\u2014in that box full of emptiness. This time, I was convinced<\/em> I would find the missing piece to the case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Soon, I found a file with some bank statements I hadn\u2019t seen before. I began to scan through the dates and places where our credit cards had been used, trying to picture where I had been on the days in question. I turned the page over to skim through the other side. February 14th<\/sup> . . . Valentine\u2019s Day. Victoria\u2019s Secret.<\/em> A hotel. A fancy restaurant. My heart dropped. We hadn\u2019t spent any time together that day. No, on that Valentine\u2019s Day\u2014just a few months earlier\u2014I had been at home with the kids\u2026 waiting for my husband. I remember having wondered that day why Emmett\u2019s work was more important to him than me. Valentine\u2019s Day was not that big of a deal to me, but oh how I had hoped to see him walk in the door with some flowers and kisses to let me know that he loved me. He hadn\u2019t . . . and at the time, I had soothed my loneliness by helping the twins make elaborate Valentine\u2019s boxes for their cards. We had spent the holiday without him, but apparently, all those things he should have done for his wife, he had spent the time doing . . . for her. My blood was boiling. How could he have done that to me . . . when I was at home taking care of our babies, with Tytus less than a month old? I read through the purchases he made that day\u2014over and over. Each time I glanced back at the date, my heart thumped out of my chest, as if that day were happening all over again, right then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All of the sudden, I heard Bostyn screaming. It sounded like she had been hurt. I dropped the file back into the box and ran towards the sound of the cries, but she came running to me first. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the garage. \u2018Something is wrong,\u2019 she cried. \u2018Why are guns real? Why, Mom? Why is this world so bad? \u2026 Why do we have to do this? I hate that we have to live here. Why are guns real . . . why does this world not care about anyone? Nobody cares . . . why are guns even real! SOMETHING IS WRONG!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see, her father, my husband, died of a gunshot wound. He\u2019d had been having an affair<\/a> with a paralegal from our office. Her husband found them together. And in a moment when he could\u2014and should\u2014have used his words or even his fist \u2013 he took a gun instead. Emmett died in a moment of fighting for another man\u2019s wife, when he should have been home fighting for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My daughter had no idea about what I had just read in her father\u2019s files and how badly, at that same moment, I hated the world as well. I stumbled for the words to say to her. \u2018Bostyn, I . . . don\u2019t . . . what happened?\u2019 She threw her hands over her face and started screaming. \u2018Those kids out there are playing with guns and one of them shot the other one. Why did Heavenly Father make guns at all? Why can\u2019t everyone just go away? They don\u2019t understand that guns will ruin them. They think this is fun. I wish we could just never do this . . . I never want to play ever again . . . something is wrong.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wasn\u2019t sure how to comfort my daughter. Nothing was really wrong, it was just a couple of kids playing with some toys. I looked out to the street where innocent children were laughing and chasing each other. I glanced over at my box . . . it was just a box full of garbage and some law books. If I told her that \u2018nothing was wrong,\u2019 it would be hypocritical. After all, just look at me<\/em>, with my box full of crap\u2026 pretending I was finding answers to what was wrong\u2026 in that moment. No matter what I found in that box, nothing was going to change for me. No matter how many times I poured through the information in that box, I was still going to be right where I was. Nothing NEW was wrong. But it felt like it. Just like my little girl sitting there blaming her tears on the events of that day, I too was taking the horrible events of the past and transforming them into brand new horrible events in the present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few days before Emmett died, I sat in a counselor\u2019s office for the first time, pouring out my heart to him, begging him to fix me. \u2018I just have trust issues,\u2019 I told him. \u2018I just need you to fix me. I just need to believe in things and not question them. I am here so you can fix all the issues from my past, and help me stop feeling so scared all the time. So if you can just let me know what I need to do to fix myself, I will do anything. I have a husband whom I love more than anything! He insists that everything is great. WE are great . . .  and so if you can just tell me how to trust . . . I will do whatever you think I need to do. This is how I can save my family . . . I have to let go of my trust issues from the past!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The counselor sat and mostly listened to me that day. He listened to all the fears I had been bottling up inside myself. I told him of the loneliness I had been feeling. I felt as if I had been pushed away by my husband. I told him I was worried that Emmett didn\u2019t love me or the children anymore, and that something felt wrong. He sat there, quietly. I could tell he was listening with his heart. Finally, at the end of my begging him to fix my trust issues he said, \u2018Ashlee, you know those feelings that come from way deep down, those times when you feel like something is very wrong\u2026\u2019 I cut him off. \u2018Yeah, those \u2026 those are the feelings I need you to FIX,\u2019 I said. \u2018Ashlee,\u2019 he continued, \u2018those . . . those feelings are there for a reason. Maybe you were hurt in your past, maybe you are afraid to be hurt now . . . but those deep feelings inside of you . . . are there to keep you safe. In marriage, and in any relationship, you have to work through those feelings together. It is the job if each partner in a marriage to really take a step back and look at how to support each other through those fears, as irrational as they may seem! Every single person on this earth has insecurities and fears. Sometimes they are because of our past, but other times, they are there for an immediate reason. So each person in a relationship has the role of helping the other person find safety, through trust, love and respect. The things you are telling me today \u2013 I really believe you are right. It sounds to me like those feelings are there for a reason.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That answer gave me hope that I wasn\u2019t totally crazy, but it also left me stirring in my fear. If those feelings were there for a reason . . . then maybe something really was <\/em>wrong, and how could I find answers to that? I had begged for help\u2014from him and from others\u2014but no one seemed to know how to quiet my fears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few weeks before Emmett was killed, my friend Emily stopped by to spend the day with me. It was one of those days when sheer panic had stopped me in my tracks. She finally asked me what was wrong, and it was as if she had turned on a faucet! I told her about all that was going on. I opened up to her\u2014for the very first time\u2014 about how frightened I was that I was losing my husband. I told her about all the clues that led me to believe that something was seriously wrong. She said, \u2018Well, let\u2019s go follow him. Let\u2019s go find out what\u2019s going on.\u2019 At the time, a part of me had thought about doing that very thing\u2026 like removing a band aid\u2026 just rip out the truth and find out for myself, and quit waiting around for him to tell me. I knew that following him might lead to answers that could be very hard to accept. It was like my heart longed for some reassurance that I wasn\u2019t crazy, but my mind knew that \u2018curing my crazies\u2019 might mean facing some very harsh realities. Maybe Emily and I should<\/em> have followed him, and found out right then what was going on, but I was afraid to see it . . . I was afraid to feel it. I was afraid that if I did<\/em> find out what was really wrong, our blaming it all on my \u2018trust issues\u2019 wouldn\u2019t hold us together any longer. So I just sat there and did nothing . . . allowing the \u2018something is wrong feeling\u2019 to just fester inside of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember the first time in my life when I got that \u2018something is wrong\u2019 feeling. I was in third grade and my best friend lived just a few blocks away. We had permission that day to walk over to her house. As we approached her doorstep, I could hear crazy screaming and yelling inside. My friend looked so scared. She whipped her head around to me and said, \u2018Hey . . . uh . . . my mom has probably been drinking. Wait here, and I\u2019ll be right back.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I waited outside, but I could hear everything. Her mother was screaming at everyone, and then I could tell she had started beating my friend. I could hear her begging her mother to stop . . . but she didn\u2019t. She hit her a lot. I was nauseous as I listened . . . but I did nothing. I just sat down near the side of their house, literally scared out of my mind, crying my eyes out. Something was wrong . . . and there was nothing that I, a little 7-year-old girl, could do about it. Until then, I had not realized that the world could be mean. My only experiences up to that point in my life had been all about pretty things and kind words. That was the day I learned about fear. I learned that day that there will be moments when everything inside of you tells you \u2018something is wrong!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later that same year, I was walking home from school with a friend. As we turned a corner, a little, white car pulled up along side of us. There were two older men in the car. The man in the passenger seat said, \u2018Hey we need some help\u2026 we need you to get in our car and come help us find where our friend lives.\u2019 He grabbed onto my arm. Something was wrong! I could feel it. Everything inside of me told me to run. I screamed, \u2018Run . . . RUN!\u2019 I ripped my hand out of his grip and my friend and I took off and ran around another corner. We hid behind a huge bush before the men had time to catch up to us. We stayed behind that bush for some time . . . silently breathing in deep breaths, watching the car drive past us, over and over again. That little, white car must have passed that bush about six times before the scary feeling finally left and I knew it was safe to head home. Later, as the police sat in my driveway and asked us questions about the car and men . . . I felt frozen in fear. I learned more bad things about the world\u2014that it didn\u2019t care, and that there were real-life bad guys!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust issues. Pain from the past. Fear. We all have them. We all need them to some degree . . . to keep us safe in situations when the spirit tells us to run. But then at other times, we all need our insecurities to be calmed and to go away so that we can continue on and live through our past pain. It is our job, in any relationship, to be loving, and to be respectful of the fears others might have. If someone you know and love comes to you with a concern, or tells you that something feels wrong . . . listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had seen things go wrong in the world, I had felt the urgency to \u2018get out\u2019 in an emergency. But with Emmett, I sat there for months silently suffering, not knowing how to let those subtle urges move me to action, blaming my fears from the past from allowing me to move forward. It wasn\u2019t because my parents got divorced the summer after I had learned\u2014outside my friend\u2019s front door\u2014that there was darkness in the world. It wasn\u2019t because I had dated a bunch of jerks when I was younger. It was because my marriage was broken . . . and I didn\u2019t even know it, until it was gone. And then, I had to find the answers to my insecurities all by myself. My husband wasn\u2019t there to stroke my back and tell me that everything would be all right. He wasn\u2019t there to hold my hand as I learned to trust again. Emmett was dead . . . and somewhere inside of me . . . I was still searching for answers . . . searching for clues, searching for signs in my garage. I was pretending that finding the answers now, would somehow make everything better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believe there is a gift given to each of us to help us discern right from wrong. It is the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Just as there is a force in this world that tries to bring us to darkness, there is also a power of light, and I have felt the power of the Holy Ghost lead me to that light. The Holy Ghost has been for me what a Disney movie describes as our \u2018conscience.\u2019 The Holy Ghost works as our constant guide: those silent whisperings in our hearts when something is not quite right. There are moments that stop us in our tracks, when something much greater than ourselves is trying to reach us. I believe these gentle urges come from the Holy Ghost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When my twins were babies, I remember a day when I had just tucked them into their beds for a nap. I shut their door and began walking down the stairs. Halfway down the stairs, I got an overwhelming impression to go back up and check on them. At first I thought, \u2018No . . . they are fine. I was just in there.\u2019 But something kept telling me to turn around and go back in their room to make sure they were okay. I opened the door and heard the weirdest sound coming from Bostyn\u2019s crib. Somehow, she had rolled over and her blanket had wrapped around her head. She was gasping for air, but the blanket over her face was hindering her attempts to breathe. I quickly unwrapped her, and she took a giant breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know<\/em> I was prompted that day on those stairs. I hardly ever went back to check on the twins during their naps . . . because the door would squeak and wake them up. A power much greater than my own instincts had told me that something was wrong . . . and it was . . . and I did something about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes we are quietly searching alone in the darkness of our garages . . . for answers to our problems, trying to grasp onto anything to help our lives make sense. Wasting hours on nothing. I was so afraid not to know everything Emmett had done . . . but I was even more afraid of the answers I was searching for all by myself. On those days, I didn\u2019t ask for professional help . . . and I certainly didn\u2019t seek guidance from the Lord. Absorbed by complete self-pity . . . I did it all alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t have to search alone. Ask for the Holy Ghost to be your companion as you search for what is wrong. He will guide you. And in those moments when you need to stop searching and just look within yourself . . . He will comfort you. Don\u2019t spend your hours searching for clues in the dark. Use His love to light your path. Use His peace to still your soul. Allow His spirit to guide you in your search when you feel that something is wrong. And when you are confused about whether you are suffering because of past hurts, or whether there is something happening right now, His spirit will enlighten you, and give you peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bostyn had those fears for a reason . . . but the reason wasn\u2019t in that moment. It was from something that had happened in her past. I<\/em> was looking for clues about past hurts in a box . . . not because it would change anything for me, but because my fears of the past still motivated me to seek peace. It hadn\u2019t helped to have others tell me I was crazy, but if I had been able to find the love I was searching for, it would have changed me. If Emmett had been there for me in my moments of fear . . . a lot of things would have been different. Bostyn didn\u2019t need me to tell her that she was crazy. It was my job as her mother to comfort her and help calm her fears. She didn\u2019t need to hear how over-dramatic she was being. She needed to find peace in a moment when everything inside of her was telling her that \u2018something was wrong.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all have insecurities. We all have fears that drive us to question . . . ourselves . . . our doubts . . . even the truth. It is easy in life to get mixed up about what is an unfounded doubt and what is a truth. Let the Holy Ghost guide you, and help you determine if those fears are there because something really is <\/em>wrong, or because something was wrong in the past, and you haven\u2019t been able to let it go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What people in your life are begging for your patience and love as they work through their insecurities? How many times have you just told them to stop being so paranoid \u2013 to blindly trust? Maybe it isn\u2019t a lack of trust in you, maybe those insecurities are there because they are failing to see how to let go of their past. How have they felt when you squelched their fear instead of acknowledging it through your trust and love? We have a responsibility to be there for those around us who are afraid. Yes, maybe their fears are not because of anything we did or didn\u2019t do. Maybe their feelings that something is wrong come from their lives before we knew them, or a part of their past of which we were not a part, but it doesn\u2019t change the fact that the fears driving them . . . feel so real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before he died, Emmett had spent months telling me I was just hallucinating, that I was crazy. I remember a few times I would run out to his car as he was driving away for work. He would roll down his window to say goodbye. With tears in my eyes I would ask, \u2018Is everything okay? I feel scared, what is happening? \u2026 I need your help.\u2019 He would get frustrated with me and tell me to stop being so paranoid. As he would drive away, I would just stand there feeling completely empty inside. The fear in my heart felt more than just my past pains creeping in . . . something<\/em> felt very wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my case, something had<\/em> been wrong. \u2026 I wasn\u2019t<\/em> crazy! I remember when the detectives shut the front door that night after telling me about Emmett\u2019s death, as I sat there with my sister Ali and her boyfriend, Will, my first reaction was to hit the couch and scream, \u2018I told you I wasn\u2019t crazy!\u2019 Screaming and punching . . . relieved that I wasn\u2019t crazy . . . punching my hand into the cushion, letting that cushion know I had been right! I punched the couch for all the times I had opened up and no one could help me. I punched it for all the clues that had been leading me to the answers I had been seeking, but mainly, I abused that cushion for all the important people to whom I had pled for help who told me that I just needed to \u2018get over it . . . because this is real life!\u2019 Something had been <\/em>wrong, but nobody, not even me, had known what to do about it. I was humiliated that I found out the truth on the same night everyone else did. Yes, I was scared because Emmett was gone. \u2026 I was devastated that he had been murdered . . . and furious that he had been unfaithful to me . . . but my very first emotion was a sense of relief that I finally had an answer to my impression that \u2018something was wrong!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will never understand how shock works. In my case, it was as if it shut off my ability to choose which emotions came over me. The first emotion that came for me\u2014as crazy as it sounds\u2014was relief . . . relief that all my feelings that something was wrong . . . were real. I wasn\u2019t<\/em> crazy. That feeling of relief . . . it scared the hell out of me. I felt like a horrible person. Out of all the emotions I should have been feeling in that moment . . . I was relieved that those impressions that had been churning inside me and eating me alive . . . had been there for a reason. My heart had been right. I wasn\u2019t <\/em>feeling those things because I was broken from my past. The counselor had been correct . . . but unfortunately, now it was too late. My sense of relief was brief . . . but when it hit, it felt so good to know my instincts had been right. It wasn\u2019t just because I had trust issues \u2013 it was because the Holy Ghost had been whispering to me and impressing upon my mind that something was wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Understand that your spouse needs to feel that he or she is the most important person to you. Cherish that relationship. If you have any other relationships\u2014a co worker, an old high school friend, another parent in your kid\u2019s class\u2014that make your spouse feel uncomfortable, no matter how irrational it may seem to you, PLEASE put your spouse first, the person who matters most in your life. Don\u2019t fight over relationships that aren\u2019t worth fighting for. Comfort the fears of those people who truly matter in your life. Eventually, after they see that they come first no matter what, their fears will be calmed, but work together until they do. It is not your job to bring others happiness. That is a choice they have to make for themselves . . . but sometimes their fears . . . might actually protect you from unbearable heartache . . . if you will just listen. Emmett thought I was just being insecure when I shared with him the feelings I had the minute I heard \u2018her\u2019 name. But my fears were right. Em and I were a team . . . but in that moment . . . he ignored my fears, and placed his desires above our partnership, and eventually, our team was shattered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There will be moments when a feeling will come into your mind . . . telling you that something isn\u2019t right. Yes, sometimes it is something we need to let go of from the past, but when it is deep down, insisting that something is really wrong . . . don\u2019t let it go. It may be there for a reason. It may be there trying to lead you. It may be there for you to open up a lie that is hiding. Don\u2019t wait until all you have left are the clues in a dark garage in a box full of dead ends. Whatever that moment is for you . . . ask for love as you find answers. Seek for guidance until you find peace. Don\u2019t wait until it is too late, and as in my case, have the answers come to you at the same moment they are told to the rest of the world. Follow the still small voice. It is a voice of warning. It is a voice of comfort. It is a voice of guidance in all the roads you travel. And its power can be a voice of truth to you in the moments when something is<\/em> wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

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