{"id":2766,"date":"2025-11-15T06:35:39","date_gmt":"2025-11-15T06:35:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/?p=2766"},"modified":"2025-11-15T06:35:42","modified_gmt":"2025-11-15T06:35:42","slug":"i-used-to-tell-people-i-didnt-believe-in-abortions-its-a-baby-murder-then-my-boyfriend-died-you-dont-know-until-you-know-woman-stru","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/?p=2766","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I used to tell people I didn\u2019t believe in abortions. \u2018It\u2019s a baby! Murder!\u2019 Then my boyfriend died. You don\u2019t know until you know.\u2019: Woman struggling with grief says \u2018I was faced with an impossible choice only I could make\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cI used to tell people that I didn\u2019t believe in abortions<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was really open about my opinion, and I shared it even when you didn\u2019t want to hear it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018It\u2019s a baby!\u2019 I\u2019d say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Murder!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s the thing I\u2019m learning about all these hard things in life: you don\u2019t know until you know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, it was easy for me to be \u2018against abortion\u2019 because I had never found myself in a position where I even considered it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then, my person died<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, I go to therapy every single Tuesday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do my best not to miss even though it actually hurts a lot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Going to therapy, we do a lot of talking about the things that are uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And today, for the first time, we talked about a topic I\u2019ve done a really good job avoiding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After Jamie died, I found out we were expecting. We were pregnant. Only the \u2018we\u2019 was just me now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was so so new. I didn\u2019t even know until I went to the doctor to be prescribed something for anxiety. Something to help me sleep. Something to take the pain away, even for just a little bit.
This came with a routine pregnancy test\u2026 a test that turned positive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart shattered all over again. How do I bring a child into a world knowing dad would never even get to meet him or her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I agonized over what to do, and ultimately decided I physically couldn\u2019t bring this child into the world. I was too broken. He or she would be half orphaned. I simply couldn\u2019t do it. It was too much. I wasn\u2019t able to emotionally or physically do it. I was a cup that was already overflowing, and I was drowning in pain and guilt and anxiety. Raising the children, I already had was hard enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I moved on with my grieving process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But What I found out today is I was so busy grieving Jamie\u2026 grieving the life I wouldn\u2019t have\u2026 I never truly got to grieve the life of this child I never got to see or raise or hold. I never let myself mourn the loss of this child that I had already loved, and just as quickly, couldn\u2019t keep. This child that was a part of the man who I love and cherish more than anything else in the world\u2026 and I never said goodbye because I was too busy saying goodbye to the much more obvious loss in front of me. But now that I\u2019ve quickly approached and passed what would\u2019ve been the due date, I realize how badly I needed to mourn that loss just as much. How I needed to say it aloud because I needed to feel how real it really is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I lost Jamie. And by losing Jamie, I lost our child\u2026 a child that wasn\u2019t planned, but I still love. I know he or she is with Jamie now, and I know he is taking care of our baby because I couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s the growth:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By losing them both, my perspective changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because all of a sudden, it was me faced with this awful choice. It was my body, my baby\u2026 and my loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It opened my eyes to the fact that for years, I had so quickly judged those whose choices I had NEVER been forced to make, but somehow thought I could \u2018do better\u2019 if presented with the same circumstances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then I found myself here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Broken. Scared. Heart shattered in a million pieces. And an understanding that I physically could not do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet: I\u2019m lucky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one told me not to do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one tried to make me feel bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was surrounded by support no matter what I chose and empathy because those around me knew they had not walked in my shoes and that I was faced with an impossible choice that only I could make because its ONLY my choice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m lucky<\/a> because I wasn\u2019t surrounded by people like the old me, trying to shame me into changing my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m lucky because I live in a place where my choice is the only choice that matters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m lucky because every single challenge this last year threw my way has had a not-so-silver lining that has helped shape me into a better person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I didn\u2019t know and couldn\u2019t know until I knew. Until it was my loss, and my anxiety, and my abortion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe that\u2019s okay.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI used to tell people that I didn\u2019t believe in abortions. I was really open about my opinion, and I shared it even when you didn\u2019t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2767,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2766","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-story"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/577428920_1231824455434065_98782556117878640_n.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2766","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2766"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2766\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2768,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2766\/revisions\/2768"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2767"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2766"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2766"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2766"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}