{"id":2507,"date":"2025-11-07T06:07:26","date_gmt":"2025-11-07T06:07:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/?p=2507"},"modified":"2025-11-07T06:07:27","modified_gmt":"2025-11-07T06:07:27","slug":"please-mom-i-dont-want-to-leave-i-promise-ill-be-good-i-dont-like-myself-very-much-sisters-heartbreaking-tribute-to-her-late-big-brother-who","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/?p=2507","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Please Mom, I don\u2019t want to leave. I promise I\u2019ll be good. I don\u2019t like myself very much.\u2019: Sister\u2019s heartbreaking tribute to her late big brother who society deemed \u2018the bad kid\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"\n


\u201cIt was the morning of October 11th<\/sup>, 1996, on Long Island, New York. My big brother, Glenden, woke up on his fourth birthday to a pretty interesting present, Me. A little sister! We are four years apart with the same birthday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He liked to be called \u2018Glen.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Growing up, we played together, I looked up to Glen. I thought he was so cool, funny, and smart. Some of my earliest and best memories of Glenny and I included watching cartoons together early in the morning, building LEGO \u2018robots\u2019 and then battling them near the fire place the night of Christmas Eve, watching him catch crabs and fish on the beach during the summers (sometimes even with his bare hands), chasing him on the playground of our small private school and making our very own \u2018comics,\u2019 then hanging them on the wall behind his bunk bed. The one thing I can never forget about Glen is how much he cared for me. Whenever I wasn\u2019t around, he\u2019d always ask mom where I was. He\u2019d always make sure I was OK.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My big brother was very intelligent and talented, showing an interest in science at a young age. I still remember all the silly experiments he\u2019d be doing down in the basement with his science kit. He was musically gifted, he played clarinet and guitar. Glen was always outside in the woods behind our childhood home, exploring. He was in Boy Scouts. My mom knew Glen was smart, but also noticed he was hyperactive<\/a>. She figured it was his age (being one of the younger ones in his class). He could stay back for one more year of preschool, since his birthday was close to the cutoff date anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Later on, this would make Glen and I three grades apart in school, although we were four years apart in age. Starting in preschool, my mom would receive all types of phone calls from his teachers. Preschool called to let her know Glen was the most perceptive in class and most artistic. His artwork was chosen to be sent in for a preschool conference. In kindergarten, she received a call from the teacher that a student was trying to kill some bugs and Glen became upset because he wanted to save them. \u2018It was such a kind gesture, he is very caring,\u2019 his teacher said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a first grader<\/a>, his teacher rang my mother, but this was a different type of phone call \u2013 \u2018Glen is having trouble focusing, staying on task and paying attention. I feel you should have him evaluated.\u2019 The psychiatrist, children\u2019s center and regular pediatrician evaluated him. Then my mom, dad and Glen\u2019s teacher filled out an evaluation form. This lead to an ADHD diagnosis<\/a> and recommendations from the four different professionals to start Glen on a medication called Ritalin. The paperwork was sent to his school. After the paperwork, there was a meeting with the Special Education committee to develop his IEP (Individualized education program). My brother\u2019s hearing test results showed that one of his ears was sensitive to noise. For example, if a child was tapping their pencil on a desk in the back of the room and the teacher was talking, he would hear both sounds equally as loud. The IEP was used so Glen could do his school tests in a separate room, without distractions. I know this was for a helpful purpose, but being the only child in a classroom who has to have \u2018special circumstances\u2019 seems a bit humiliating. His teacher called my mom shortly after to say, \u2018Today must\u2019ve been the day you started Glen on medication. He did excellent in class and wasn\u2019t fidgety in his seat.\u2019 I bet it was a relief to be receiving positive phone calls again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In fourth grade, my parents noticed that Glen was twitching. He\u2019d put his hand up by his face, blink his eyes and exhale from his nose frequently. The pediatrician said he needed to stop the ADHD medication immediately, and then sent him to a neurologist. The neurologist diagnosed Glen with mild Tourette\u2019s syndrome. The medication stopped but his tics didn\u2019t, and they worsened when he became anxious. He tried so hard to control the tics in public, making school so hard for him. Now, he was dealing with his ADHD without medication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

His fourth grade teacher, (who I also had when I got older) despised him. She had no patience for children. She rang my mom too. \u2018Glen is being disruptive in class,\u2019 she said. My mom let her know that he had to stop his medication, and she was trying to find a way to manage it. Later, at a parent teacher conference<\/a>, she said to my mother, \u2018You don\u2019t actually think he\u2019s gifted, do you?\u2019 My mother replied, \u2018I do actually, he\u2019s very gifted in science.\u2019 Being uneducated in ADHD, she quickly labeled my brother as \u2018the bad kid.\u2019 Soon, it was obvious the teacher didn\u2019t want to deal with Glen\u2019s IEP. They \u2018forgot\u2019 to give him his state test in a separate room. My mom complained, and suddenly the state tests scores \u2018disappeared\u2019 that year. The principal and the teacher teamed up together, creating a scheme so they could expel him for being \u2018a bad kid.\u2019 Really, they just didn\u2019t want to deal with a learning impairment. They knew they only needed three reasons to get rid of him. Glen was never \u2018written up\u2019 for anything. Suddenly, he was being written up for every little thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, a group of boys went into the bathroom and dropped napkins on the floor. My brother was the only one who got in trouble. Then a girl was constantly chasing Glen on the playground. He had informed the teacher that it was bothering him, and nothing was done. He couldn\u2019t get her to stop, so one day while she was chasing him, he turned around and threw sand at her. Lastly, another child pushed him on the playground so he pushed this classmate back. Glen got in trouble; the child who instigated it did not. Just like that, Glen was walking down the hallway of the school in tears, begging my mom, \u2018please Mom, I don\u2019t want to leave, I promise I\u2019ll be good.\u2019 The principal told my mom that Glen was expelled and that if my mom didn\u2019t leave her office, she\u2019d call the cops. After he left, one of his former classmates told her mom that the teacher had said to the class \u2018it\u2019s so much better here with Glen gone.\u2019 Glen was devastated, he had to leave all his friends and he told my mom, \u2018I don\u2019t like myself very much.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I was in first grade at the time. I didn\u2019t really understand what was happening. I spent every day at home with Glen and never saw anything horribly wrong, so one could understand my confusion why he had to leave. The one thing I did know is that if my big brother was leaving, so was I. With three months left in the school year, we started public school. Glen was miserable for obvious reasons and 6-year-old me was absolutely miserable too. I couldn\u2019t handle the change either. I vividly remember screaming and crying that I didn\u2019t want to go to school anymore. My old school was small, I knew everyone and I was comfortable. It was only one class per grade. This new school was very big and scary to me. The kids were mean, they called me names. My parents now had two children who were emotionally distressed. I know this probably killed my mom, but despite how badly the 4th<\/sup> grade teacher and school principal treated Glen in the private school, she let me go back there. I was so happy to see all my old friends. I was finally comfortable again. I didn\u2019t realize yet, but being in different schools started to drive us apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That was the start of some drastic changes in what Glen was used to. A year later my parents were divorced. Then we sold our childhood home. The only home we knew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I still remember seeing such a large change in my brother (even though I was so young). He wasn\u2019t a happy vibrant little boy anymore. People that didn\u2019t know my family personally but only knew that Glen had been expelled automatically thought something must be horribly wrong with him. He must be \u2018a bad kid.\u2019 My best friend wasn\u2019t allowed to play with me for months after her parents found out about him being expelled. I remember being approached by my classmate a few years later in the third grade \u2013 \u2018I heard your brother got expelled, so and so told me.\u2019 I felt my stomach sink, I felt ashamed. I saw \u2018so and so\u2019 years later, when I was 17 years old. He told me, \u2018Your brother was so sketchy.\u2019 I felt the same thing I felt in the third grade. This was secondhand shame, so I can\u2019t even imagine what Glen felt like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

As Glen grew into his pre-teen and teenaged years, we grew further apart. Even though we were always under the same roof, it didn\u2019t stop us from not interacting. He was constantly fighting with my mom, he hated school, he was rebellious. He hung around with the wrong crowd, because the \u2018right crowd\u2019 already didn\u2019t understand him. He\u2019d get angry so easily, he\u2019d break things, he started cursing. At times I thought \u2026 maybe they are right, maybe he WAS \u2018the bad kid\u2019\u2026but now I know it\u2019s because he was broken inside. I was embarrassed when friends came over because of the fighting. I didn\u2019t want anyone to know Glen was struggling. I wanted people to think of Glen the way I did. I wanted them to think he was cool, funny and smart, because he was. I remember him and my mom were in an argument and he was yelling. I was probably about 10 years old. I left a note at my brother\u2019s bedroom door, \u2018I get scared when you yell.\u2019 He came downstairs, saw me crying and gave me a big hug along with an apology. Most importantly, I remember him saying, \u2018I love you.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember how I mentioned he loved the outdoors? Even though he didn\u2019t like himself very much, he still spent time doing what he was good at. His love for science was tied into his interest in nature. He was good at sailing, fishing, camping and he loved hiking. One day, while hiking in the woods, Glen ended up with a tick bite \u2013 a bite that infected Glen with Lyme disease.
They started Glen on an oral antibiotic which didn\u2019t help. Lyme disease made Glen chronically ill. Sometimes, he\u2019d start to feel good and then fall ill and weak. He was losing sleep, he had horrible insomnia. He told us his brain was \u2018cloudy\u2019 and he couldn\u2019t think straight. Glen asked if he could go on IV antibiotics since he was educated on intravenous antibiotic therapy for Lyme disease. Doctors took his Lyme disease lightly. He knew he needed to be on IV antibiotic because it was severe. The infectious disease doctor even said he \u2018didn\u2019t have time\u2019 to answer all of the questions Glen had. Finally, after months, they agreed to the IV antibiotic idea. The nurse would come to insert the IV, who actually put it in his arm incorrectly. When my brother called to let them know, the nurse didn\u2019t come back for days to fix her mistake. It was all too late anyway. Lyme had reached his central nervous system. He gave up on doctors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Glen was so funny, smart and cool. But if you asked him how he felt, he\u2019d tell you he was weak, achy, socially anxious (which made his Tourette\u2019s worse) and that he was \u2018the bad kid.\u2019 Now in his 20\u2019s, he avoided public completely. Only going out for doctor\u2019s appointments, couldn\u2019t function with how weak he was from the tick bite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And if you were wondering, no, we never became close again. Under the same roof, we may have said one or two words to each other\u2026 once a month.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I felt like I had watched life treat Glen so unfairly. I wanted so badly for something to go right for him.
Fast forwarding to the night before February 3rd<\/sup>, 2018 \u2013 Glen was extremely angry and upset. My father came in a car and picked my mom and I up. Glen called my mom to see where we were, and I still remember what would be her last words to him. \u2018We\u2019re giving you space for the night, but we want to help you, Glen.\u2019 The next morning, we were greeted by my dog at the front door. She was crying, panting and vomited (the first sign something was wrong). We found 25-year-old Glen laying face up in his bed, with a stiff body and blue lips. My parents desperately tried to revive him as I sat on the stairs outside his bedroom. I could hear the CPR being performed. I heard the screaming, crying, a 911 operator\u2019s voice and soon sirens outside my house, but I was silent. I just looked at the floor. I was frozen. The house was crowded with police, EMTs, detectives, yet it was the emptiest it had ever felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018He\u2019s gone,\u2019 said an EMT. \u2018Please just try!,\u2019 cried my mom. We sat at the bedside crying together. My mother cut a piece of Glen\u2019s hair to save. My dog cried as Glen was carried out on a stretcher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Up until his last year, he\u2019d expressed that he wanted to move where no one knew him. He felt everyone thought he was a horrible person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know what you\u2019re thinking. How\u2019d Glen die? But the cause of a physical death is nothing once you learn what caused the death of someone\u2019s soul. I lost my big brother way before his death, and it had a lot to do with society\u2019s ignorance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Many days I still look at the floor. But today as I write this, it\u2019s the first time I have clearly remembered so many wonderful things about Glen. Before today, I mostly remembered the hard times leading up to his death, even though I may not have admitted it. It was so hard for even me not to look at him as \u2018the bad kid\u2019 at times. But I am appreciative for this opportunity to share his life with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some things to take away from this story: ADHD is a learning impairment, NOT a behavioral problem. Lyme disease is a chronic illness. Writing is an amazing way to help with grief. And Glen, you are NOT \u2018the bad kid.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love,
Your little sister,
Juliette<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Courtesy of Juliette Sullivan<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

P.S. What is grief? If I could explain grief in a poem, here\u2019s what I would say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever met someone
Who\u2019s always around
He may not be in sight
But he\u2019s always in town
You can feel his presence creeping
Almost like it hurts
Sometimes you feel it when you\u2019re sleeping
Kind of like a curse
If you push him away
He\u2019ll come back even stronger
He will wait for the day
You can\u2019t take it any longer
So you never fully deal with him
Because you\u2019re scared of what you\u2019ll do
He kind of just hangs out
Not in front, but still in your view
I think he is bipolar
Most times he is calm
But out of nowhere he\u2019ll just hit me
When I did nothing wrong
He is always there to remind me
What I always try to forget
And then I cling to him so closely
Because he\u2019s all that I have left
Sometimes he even makes me cry
He tells me it\u2019s for relief
I wish he would leave me alone
This person\u2019s name is Grief.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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