\u201cThat day still haunts my mind. I\u2019ll always remember it like it was yesterday. Every woman fears, dreads, or cheers on this moment. You all know the one. The highly-awaited day the faucet turns on. Only it\u2019s not water.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was thirteen years old and in eighth grade. Some would call me a \u2018late bloomer\u2019 (whatever that means). All of my friends had already gotten it in pretty places. At home. On the toilet. One on her damn pre-placed just-in-case emergency pads (honestly thank you to that mom \u2013 the genius \u2013 the legend). I, on the other hand, got it in the worst of places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had never been given the period talk. I knew it was coming but it was never on my conscious mind. All I knew was it was this thing that just happened and everyone shoved under the rug, embarrassed. It turned the girls pink. The boys threw around the term as an insult. Whenever someone made a poor shot in basketball during gym class someone would always complain, \u2018Oh, what are you on your period or something?! Come on!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My education went as far as this: Vagina. Blood. Woman. Mind blowing, I know. My brain cells were really EXPANDING. I didn\u2019t know how, why, or when. What it all meant. My parents, frankly, were too uncomfortable to explain (girl, that\u2019s a whole other societal problem for another day).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I said, my vaginal D-Day arrived in the worst of places. Drum roll, please. My middle school class. Can you think of a worse place? And to make matters worse\u2026 you guessed it. I was wearing white jeans. WHITE. They should honestly be banned between the ages of 10-15, or whenever period prime time is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was sitting in the middle of Mr. Calhoun\u2019s math class. It was my last period (ha) of the day (whoever thought math at the end of the day should be fired asap) and I was about to leave unscathed when, suddenly and without warning, the floodgates opened. And OH did they open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt a gush. I had no clue what was going on. I honestly thought maybe I\u2019d pissed myself. In my mind I thought, \u2018What? No? I just went an hour ago.\u2019 It couldn\u2019t be. In a not-so-subtle subtle manner, I slowly inched my legs open to take a loo-<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OH MY GOD, SHE\u2019S ARRIVED.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
SWEET MOTHER BABY OF JESUS LORD HAVE MERCY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My cheeks turned red hot. And, of course, I just so happened to have a damn cold that week (dammit winter). With every sneeze, I felt a warm gush make it\u2019s way earthside.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I honestly thought I could make it to the end of the class and just crisscross my jacket for damage control. Then, I\u2019d scurry home and do the damn deed. Shove something under or up you know where and smuggle my pants into the garbage to hide the evidence. But no. Something worse happened next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Calhoun: \u2018I\u2019m gonna need someone to come up here and solve this problem. Next, we\u2019ll break up into groups of four and discuss the upcoming project.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Us: *crickets*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Calhoun: \u2018Hmmm. I\u2019m gonna have to pick someone if no one volunteers.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Us: *motionlessly hide and revert into mental shell*<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Calhoun: \u2018Agatha (let\u2019s just call me Agatha \u2013 I felt like an Agatha in that moment \u2013 no offense to other Agatha\u2019s out there)! Step right up.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why must I have always been the teacher\u2019s pet? A reliable know-it-all student. Why?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I half shook my head no, turning pink. \u2018Oh, come on. It\u2019ll be quick.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I slowly rose. My legs glued together. I tried to discreetly swivel from the middle of the classroom to the front whiteboard so as not to show the flood. My steps were small and slow. I must have been five feet from the board when I heard someone shout, from the back of the classroom, \u2018OH MY GOD! SHE GOT HER PERIOD.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Queue the roar of laughter. The howling. The screams. The jaw drops. The looks of utter disgust. I felt like I was looking out at a movie theatre audience during the screening of a slasher movie. Then queue the tears. Oh, those embarrassing tears. I couldn\u2019t help it. I was mortified.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Calhoun: \u2018Class is dismissed. Everyone out. NOW!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the audience left, he immediately asked if he could give me a hug. I nodded yes through my butt-ugly sobs. He then shooed away the rest of the students peeping the scene through the sliver of glass at the classroom door. The nosy pricks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018I am SO sorry. I had no idea.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I twiddled my thumbs. All I could make out was, \u2018\u2026It\u2019s fine.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He waited and comforted me until the crowd of people all left to go home. He then escorted me to the nurse\u2019s office, walking behind me the whole time, until I arrived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Get her some new pants immediately please. Code 107.\u2019 The school nurse nodded, smiled, and took me in from there. I never expected what would happen the next day. Not in a million years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I walked into my math class, last period, I was 5 minutes late after contemplating whether or not to go. I was terrified. Names had already been sloshed around ALL day. I heard muffled laughter as I walked by groups of boys and girls. I got new and random stares. I kept to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I went straight to my desk and didn\u2019t look up until I\u2019d unpacked my notebook and poked through my bag for a pencil without a broken point. I couldn\u2019t face the audience. I was the dunce. Then, I slowly looked up. I saw it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mr. Calhoun was wearing white pants with red paint running all down the middle. He loaded up his SmartBoard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018We will now begin our lesson. Today, we will be learning about the female menstrual cycle. A beautiful work of nature that should NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER, be shamed. If I hear about ANY of you laughing or making negative comments about what happened here in this classroom yesterday, let\u2019s just say you won\u2019t be passing math class this year. No ifs, ands, or buts.\u2019 He looked over at me and gave me a wink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I smiled bright and big to myself. I knew he had my back. My heart felt so full. I learned more about the menstrual cycle in that day than I had in my thirteen years of life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The following week, we had a quiz on menstruation cycles. I very vividly remembering one of the boys who laughed at me say, \u2018Wow. I didn\u2019t know the female body was so complex!\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Needless to say, no one had to fail math class that year. And that, ladies and gents, is how you do the whole teaching thing right.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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