Here\u2019s why that question backfires, and what to ask instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In conversation, some sentences can read as condescending or, at best, annoying. Does that make sense? I wasn\u2019t really asking there because that IS the sentence many communication experts caution against. But better, more efficient alternatives exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jefferson Fisher is a Texas trial lawyer, communication expert, and author of The Next Conversation. He has spent years teaching people the art of communication in a casual yet memorable (and often funny) way. With over 10 million followers across social media and podcasts, he shares plenty of insightful tips and just a few pet peeves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In an Instagram Reel, Fisher shares this pet peeve by adding a chyron to his clip that reads, \u201cDoes that make sense?\u201d Fisher explains, \u201cI know why you use it. You want to make sure that your words make sense, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The problem, he relays, is that the question doesn\u2019t always land correctly. \u201cThat\u2019s not what the other person hears. They hear one of two things. Either one, that you\u2019re not really sure that they got it. So you need to make sure. So you\u2019re like, \u2018Does that make sense to your tiny brain? Because you kind of have the face of somebody who wouldn\u2019t get it.\u2019\u201d This gets a laugh, as it\u2019s clear Fisher is being playful. He adds, \u201cOr two, you don\u2019t really know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are better ways to go about it. \u201cHere\u2019s what I\u2019m gonna ask you to do instead. Ask a real question if you truly want feedback. Like, \u2018What are your thoughts? How does that feel to you? What do you think? Do you have any feedback? Do you have any questions? Cool?\u2019\u201d He ends, again playfully asking, \u201dDoes that make sense?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Upworthy spoke with communications coach and author Jeff Callahan, who agrees with Fisher\u2019s assessment. \u201c\u2018Does that make sense?\u2019 sounds polite, but it puts the other person on the spot. If they say no, they\u2019re admitting they didn\u2019t get it. So almost everyone says yes, whether it made sense or not. It also has the added disadvantage of making the person who says it seem less confident about themselves and their position. Instead, ask something that invites them in; my go-to is always: \u2018What questions do you have?\u2019 or \u2018What thoughts or observations do you have?\u2019 When someone\u2019s actually engaged, they\u2019ll show you by talking, but it\u2019s always good to make it easy for them to jump in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cassandra LeClair, PhD, also told Upworthy that the sentence is one of her biggest pet peeves, so much so that she admitted it \u201chit a nerve.\u201d With a PhD in Communication Studies, she has been a professor for two decades and suggested questions she prefers instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat questions can I answer? Is anything sticking out to you? What resonates most for you? What can I explain more thoroughly? Would you like more examples on any of the concepts?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She adds, for context, \u201cAs a professor and speaker, my job is to convey the material. If people have questions, I should be an expert in that area. In that role, it is my job to explain things in different ways. These questions put the work back on the speaker and take away some of the shame we can feel when we are self-conscious about not understanding something.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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