\u201cJust because they\u2019re soft and kind, doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll never push through.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Millennial parents led the charge with gentle parenting, a sharp turn from their Baby Boomer parents\u2019 approach. The undeniable tension between how the two generations parent (and grandparent) continues to play out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A Millennial mom on Reddit caused a stir among fellow Millennial parents after sharing that she is choosing to raise \u201csoft\u201d kids. In her heartfelt post, she explained that her goal as a parent is to do things completely different from how she was raised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m aware I occasionally do too much coddling. But I was rarely coddled,\u201d she wrote. \u201cI grew up in a codependent home where the Matriarch always got what she wanted and my feelings didn\u2019t matter. The female elders were always priority. I lived in fight or flight for the first thirty some years of my life. It\u2019s taken over twenty years of therapy to undo all the toxicity I learned from my family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, she is choosing to raise her kids in a different dynamic, with the goal of \u201csoft, thoughtful, loving compassionate kids.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m raising kids that listen to their bodies,\u201d she added. \u201cYes I\u2019m raising kids that are in tune with their emotions and ask for mental health days. I\u2019m also raising kids that will make compassionate and kind partners. Ones that will listen, hold their partners and care for them when they\u2019re done.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Millennial mom also addressed how her approach to gentle parenting may be viewed as extreme compared to previous generations who parented more harshly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhy would we want to be raising hard kids like they had to on the prairie? Just because they\u2019re soft and kind, doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019ll never push through. Literally everything in life is about balance and moderation. Even too much water will kill you. So raise those soft kind kids, but make sure they aren\u2019t quitters who never push through.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One example of how her parenting approach has paid off came when she asked her teenage son to load the dishwasher instead of playing video games after explaining that she\u2019d had a hard week. His response was full of empathy: \u201cJust because I don\u2019t want to do something doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t. You\u2019ve had a hard day and it\u2019s your birthday week. I can load the dishwasher.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her Millennial parenting perspective garnered a mix of supportive and critical responses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI don\u2019t think Millennials will be blamed for raising \u2018soft children.\u2019 Hell, Millennials were always considered soft and entitled anyway so I\u2019m not sure what\u2019s changed other than every previous generation thinks they\u2019re tougher. What I think the issues will be are more \u2018parent by iPad\u2019, overconsumption of SM, isolation, inability to handle conflict or regulate emotions, etc. But this isn\u2019t unique to Millennials. I\u2019m glad your parenting skills are paying off. Good for you.\u201d \u2013 mcsmith610<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2018Raising soft kids\u2019 and \u2018soft parenting\u2019 are not the same thing. You can raise \u2018soft kids\u2019 who understand respect, boundaries and responsibilities, who aren\u2019t little narcissist sh*ts.\u201d \u2013 Other_Bus9590<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou mean considerate thoughtful kids? There is nothing \u2018soft\u2019 about that. Our society is in desperate need of more people like this. Those sound like good neighbors to me.\u201d \u2013 The_Playbook88<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know you are using \u2018soft\u2019 to make a point, which is that from the point of view of stoicism, showing weakness and talking about feelings makes a person less capable. However you are clearly raising emotionally intelligent humans who are capable and able to weather the difficulties of modern life. The more parents like you, the better.\u201d \u2013 Stratix<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYeah, I figure the world is going to do plenty of \u2018toughening up\u2019 that it seems backwards for a parent to try to preemptively \u2018toughen them up\u2019. I want my kids to be resilient, not \u2018hard\u2019. I treat them with kindness and love (as best I can), and when stuff out in the world is hard, I\u2019m there to pick them up and build their confidence in themselves that it\u2019s all stuff they can handle, even if it\u2019s hard and hurts sometimes. There\u2019s also a huge difference between being overly permissive and being \u2018soft\u2019 in the sense of the emotional affect you display. I have firm boundaries, enforce consequences for actions, etc., but to the eye of older generations I would probably be considered very soft on them.\u201d \u2013 ReturnOfBigChungus<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe treat our children like they are people, then get surprised when they turn around and ALSO treat us like human beings. It\u2019s happened to me before, also. I keep waiting for the \u2018rebellious phase.\u2019 I think maybe Boomers were just bad parents, and they made it way more difficult than it had to be.\u201d \u2013 Aggressive_Mouse_581<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLike others have said, soft doesn\u2019t mean weak. They\u2019re kind, compassionate and thoughtful. That\u2019s how I\u2019m trying to raise my son too. He\u2019s not afraid of emotion and if he sees a need he steps in, often without being asked. You\u2019re doing your best and seems like you\u2019re raising pretty great kids.\u201d \u2013 MoonlitMousey13<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe problem with soft kids is the world isn\u2019t soft, and if they are they will get taken advantage of, or be unreliable when things get tough to rarely do life go smoothly 100% of the time.\u201d \u2013 Piemaster113<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat and teaching them that sometimes you don\u2019t always do what you want and it\u2019s ok to be uncomfortable within reason. Like the post about the dude taking many mental health days and his manager being upset. Like sometimes you just gotta go.\u201d \u2013 MembershipScary1737<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou can be both \u2018hard\u2019 and emotionally intelligent. I\u2019m not sure anyone benefits from coddling in the long run, certainly not your child. My goal is self sufficient and kind people. I don\u2019t see how you can get both (or either) if them reluctantly loading the dishwasher once after you asked is a win.\u201d \u2013 WingShooter_28ga<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou are conflating soft with kind. I\u2019ve met plenty of hard people that are also kind (most farmers would drop everything to help a neighbor, but are tougher than a coffin nail). While it\u2019s great that you have conscientious kids. Being conscientious isn\u2019t a \u2018soft\u2019 trait.\u201d \u2013 rjwyonch<\/p>\n\n\n\nPeople critical of raising \u201csoft\u201d kids<\/h3>\n\n\n\n