A super communicator asks 10 to 20 more questions than the average person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ever meet one of those people who just seems to know how to connect with others? Maybe you walked away from the conversation with them feeling completely seen and heard, even though the whole exchange felt effortless. If so, you might have had a conversation with a super communicator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist for The New Yorker and a best-selling author, shared tips on how to be a \u201csuper communicator\u201d in a recent online Reel. \u201cOne of the things we know about habitual super communicators,\u201d he explains, \u201cis that they ask ten to twenty times as many questions as the average person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the nature of those questions is what counts. He continues, \u201cAnd many of the questions are things like, \u2018What did you make of that?\u2019 Or \u2018That\u2019s interesting, what did you say next?\u2019 It\u2019s like these questions are so casual, we hardly even register them as questions. But they\u2019re inviting us in. They\u2019re inviting us to say more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Duhigg continues, \u201cThey also tend to ask what are known as \u2018deep questions.\u2019 And a deep question is something that asks someone to talk a little about their values, their beliefs, or their experiences. Because in doing so, they first of all tell you who they are. But second of all, they oftentimes say something a little bit vulnerable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Duhigg notes that asking \u201cdeep questions\u201d doesn\u2019t always imply intimacy. \u201cWhen we hear the phrase \u2018deep questions,\u2019 we might think, \u2018Oh, that\u2019s so intimate.\u2019 But a deep question can be as simple as saying to someone, \u2018Oh, Rich, I know that you\u2019re a lawyer. Did you always want to practice law? What was the moment when you decided to go to law school? What did you love most about law?\u2019 Those three questions, they\u2019re super easy to ask.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Robin Quinn Keehn, a certified mediator\u00a0and communication specialist, tells Upworthy\u00a0that having \u201creal\u201d conversations requires\u00a0asking questions. \u201cIf\u00a0you\u2019re simply looking\u00a0to fill the\u00a0silence, asking superficial questions\u00a0will do that. However, if you\u00a0want to actually\u00a0know and be\u00a0known by another, asking one genuine\u00a0question is the\u00a0way to begin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Keehn gives examples. \u201cWhen you ask a genuine question, allow the other person enough time to give a real answer. Resist the urge to offer them multiple-choice or to use body language to hurry them along. Silence is a powerful ally here. The best communication happens when each person has the opportunity to ask from curiosity and answer honestly, not carefully. Of course, acknowledgment of the sincerity of the conversation makes it feel like time well spent and encourages more conversation to take place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Rutgers University Professor\u00a0of Communication and interpersonal communication scholar, Maria\u00a0Venetis, had a\u00a0slightly different point\u00a0of view on\u00a0the theory of\u00a0questions. She shares\u00a0with Upworthy, \u201cIt\u2019s\u00a0not that you\u00a0ask several questions\u2014you don\u2019t want\u00a0the person to\u00a0feel like they\u00a0are on the\u00a0witness stand. Rather, you\u00a0ask open-ended\u00a0questions that signal\u00a0you are giving\u00a0the other person\u00a0the floor and\u00a0space to talk. YOU LISTEN. You\u00a0don\u2019t consider what\u00a0you\u2019re going to\u00a0say while they\u00a0are talking. Doing\u00a0so creates a\u00a0barrier in your\u00a0ability to focus.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou ask follow-up questions about what they say. Something like, \u2018Tell me more about that.\u2019 Asking \u2018deep\u2019 questions sounds like perhaps \u2018intimate\u2019 questions\u2014that isn\u2019t necessarily a good choice if your relationship or the setting doesn\u2019t support this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Amber Johnson, PhD, another communications expert with\u00a0over two decades\u00a0of professional experience\u00a0and a\u00a0TED Talk on\u00a0the matter (that aptly cites\u00a0Charles Duhigg), shares her\u00a0\u201cREVAMP\u201d formula with\u00a0Upworthy. \u201cThere\u2019s a\u00a0lot we can\u2019t\u00a0control in our\u00a0relationships and our\u00a0work: we can\u2019t control\u00a0other people\u2019s feelings, what the market\u00a0is doing, or\u00a0how someone will\u00a0respond. What we\u00a0can control are\u00a0the questions we\u00a0ask,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson continues, \u201cAsking great questions leads not just to better conversation, but to better relationships. By asking unpredictable questions (questions without a scripted answer) and asking questions that seek understanding rather than just facts, we can better know the people who matter most to us.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Johnson finishes by breaking down the \u201cREVAMP\u201d formula. \u201cI encourage people to REVAMP their questions by asking about:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
R \u2013 Relationships
E \u2013 Emotions
V \u2013 Values or Vulnerabilities
A \u2013 Attitudes or Assumptions
M \u2013 Meaning or Motives
P \u2013 Priorities<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Additionally, research shows people with stronger relationships experience better physical and mental health because strong relationships help our bodies create stronger stress responses. But you don\u2019t improve your relationships by asking \u2018How are you?\u2019 and accepting \u2018Fine\u2019 as an answer. You have to ask better questions to have better conversations, better relationships, and ultimately better health.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A super communicator asks 10 to 20 more questions than the average person. Ever meet one of those people who just seems to know how to connect with others? Maybe you walked away from the conversation with them<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11944,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11943","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/09\/795328851_1108411168301112_2063139878791798813_n.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11943","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11943"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11943\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11945,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11943\/revisions\/11945"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/11944"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11943"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11943"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11943"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}