Are you a peacemaker, an advocate, harbor, thinker, or a spark?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Having a healthy communication style isn\u2019t just about how you speak. It\u2019s how you listen and perceive the other person or people to whom you\u2019re talking. Knowing the strengths (and sometimes more importantly, the weaknesses) they might bring to a conversation can often help produce a better outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Licensed therapist Jason VanRuler developed an efficient quiz to help people determine their communication style. After answering a short series of questions, an individual can find out if they lean toward the \u201cpeacemaker, the advocate, the harbor, the thinker, or the spark.\u201d Of course, most of us don\u2019t fit neatly into one box or another. To account for that, each archetype (to borrow Carl Jung\u2019s term) is given a number, so one can see how they relate to each style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nReading the room<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
In an Instagram\u00a0Reel\u00a0posted by VanRuler, he explains how essential mere perception can be. \u201cYou may think great communication is about saying the right thing, but it\u2019s actually about knowing how to read the room. When something doesn\u2019t land, we often blame the other person for not understanding, instead of asking how our message may not have connected with them. Different people process information differently, and ignoring that creates disconnect.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How to reframe<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
There are ways in which he says a person can reframe. \u201cWhat to Do About It: Shift your focus from \u2018Why didn\u2019t they get it?\u2019 to \u2018How can I say this in a way that connects with them?\u2019 Pay attention to how people respond and adjust your approach accordingly. Great communicators don\u2019t just express well, they adapt well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the clip, he describes a time when he was giving a conference to a room full of accountants. \u201cSo I got up and I talked a lot about feelings, and I went really deep and got really emotional. And it was really, really quiet. And I left thinking, \u2018what was wrong with the audience? Why didn\u2019t they resonate with what I just said?\u2019 But what I didn\u2019t really think about is, what is it about what I just said that didn\u2019t resonate with them?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Learning your \u201cstyle\u201d can help facilitate better relationships through stronger communication. On VanRuler\u2019s\u00a0website,\u00a0he explains who he\u2019s attempting to help, writing, \u201cWhether it\u2019s leadership coaching, relationship building, couples therapy, addiction, trauma, or something different, my goal is the same: to speak truth and grace into every life I work with.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The 5 types<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
In a press\u00a0piece\u00a0for his new book\u00a0Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connections and Stronger Relationships,\u00a0VanRuler gives a quick explanation of the strengths of each type. (He refers to what we might call \u201cweaknesses\u201d as \u201copportunity.\u201d The idea being to ask one\u2019s self, \u201cwhat opportunity do I have to strengthen my communication style?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Peacemaker<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStrength: Creates peace and eases tension in difficult or trying moments.
Opportunity: Can avoid necessary conflict, which delays resolution and repair.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nAdvocate<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStrength: Focused on justice, fairness, and upholding morals; advocates for their beliefs.
Opportunity: Can present as intense or overpowering, or advocate when it\u2019s not needed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nThinker<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStrength: Focused on logic, thoughts, facts, and getting things correct.
Opportunity: Can miss cues for feelings and appear distant or emotionally unavailable.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nHarbor<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStrength: Creates a safe space for others to go deep and talk about feelings and emotions.
Opportunity: May struggle to express their own needs, communicate boundaries, or be the focal point of a conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nSpark<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cStrength: Brings lots of energy, creativity, and momentum to conversations.
Opportunity: Can struggle with consistency and initiating difficult conversations.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nHe makes it clear that understanding these \u201cpaths\u201d is a great start to elevating a relationship, saying, \u201cEach path speaks a different \u2018language,\u2019 and the more fluent you become in other styles, the better you can bridge the gap between you and the people you care about.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Are you a peacemaker, an advocate, harbor, thinker, or a spark? Having a healthy communication style isn\u2019t just about how you speak. It\u2019s how you listen and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":10887,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10886","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/763103099_1745421190214345_5015531734900513069_n.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10886","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10886"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10886\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10888,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10886\/revisions\/10888"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10887"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10886"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10886"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humorsidehub.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10886"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}