People tend to overestimate how much time their conversation partners spend actually listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we are engaged in a conversation, we often wonder: Is this person listening? Then we check for nonverbal cues that suggest they\u2019re paying attention: making eye contact, nodding at the appropriate times, and not looking over our shoulder. However, studies from Harvard University show that most people aren\u2019t very good at accurately detecting whether someone is listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How attentive is the average person during a conversation?
Across five different studies, Harvard researchers found that people\u2019s minds wander during conversations an average of 24% of the time. So, during the average conversation, the person you\u2019re talking to is fully attentive only 76% of the time you are speaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The studies also found that people aren\u2019t very good at telling when others are listening and that the average person overestimates how much time their conversation partner is completely focused on them. Why is that? People are generally quite good at pretending to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOur results suggest this overestimation is (at least partly) due to the largely indistinguishable behavior of inattentive and attentive listeners,\u201d Julia Minson, a professor of public policy at the Harvard Kennedy School, wrote. \u201cIt appears that people can (and do) divide their attention during conversation and successfully feign attentiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The studies also revealed that people aren\u2019t very good at detecting whether they were listening during a conversation. Researchers recorded people listening to someone talk, then played back five-second clips. People could identify when they were listening 64% of the time, but they could identify when they weren\u2019t listening only 5% of the time. It seems we\u2019re so good at pretending we\u2019re paying attention that we can even fool ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How to make people pay attention when you talk
Knowing that the average person is tuning out at least a quarter of the time we\u2019re speaking, what are some ways we can be more engaging, whether it\u2019s at a party, a work meeting, or on a first date?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Make intermittent eye contact<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Research shows that people stay engaged when we make brief eye contact, then look away for a moment before returning their gaze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEye contact is really immersive and powerful,\u201d Sophie Wohltjen, a graduate student in psychological and brain sciences at Dartmouth College, said. \u201cWhen two people are having a conversation, eye contact signals that shared attention is high\u2014that they are in peak synchrony with one another. As eye contact persists, that synchrony then decreases. We think this is also good because too much synchrony can make a conversation stale.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Use clear language<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A large study found that when you use concrete language and avoid jargon, people are more likely to pay attention to what you have to say. So instead of saying, \u201cA strategic upward recalibration of our pricing model will unlock enhanced margin expansion opportunities,\u201d you can just say, \u201cIf we raise prices, we\u2019ll make more money.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Ask questions<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you ask questions, even if you\u2019re not looking for an answer in that moment, it keeps people on their toes and paying attention. Try peppering some questions into your story to keep others engaged, such as \u201cCan you believe that?\u201d or \u201cWhat were they thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unless you\u2019re the most compelling conversationalist who has ever lived, studies reveal that around a quarter of the time, people aren\u2019t paying attention when you speak. The good news is that you probably won\u2019t feel so bad when you zone out while listening to other people; it\u2019s all part of natural human interaction. Knowing this is a good reminder to all of us to communicate as clearly as possible because there\u2019s a very strong chance the audience didn\u2019t hear the entire message.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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